Cupcake Hell

In my ongoing quest to size up the LA cupcake competition, I attended the LA Cupcake Challenge on Sunday.

Someone's plate

It’s a showcase of just some of the many cupcake purveyors in LA. I should say even more of the many because I had never even heard of most bakeries in attendance. Therefore, I summed up the majority as caterers, South Bayers or imposters.

In my mind, I had envisioned a sophisticated event with a group of Westside moms or young publicist types nibbling on preciously displayed confections. The $40 price tag seemed just steep enough to keep out the riffraff.

Well, either there was a rumor Taylor Swift would be there or someone airdropped tickets on Disneyland because the place was a zoo. I felt like I was on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange except that it was littered with cupcake wrappers instead of numbers. Attendees barreled from station to station, balancing cumbersome boxes full of mini cupcakes on one hip and their child on another. At the tables, teens poured over their scorecards like science fair judges, while the adults reclined in sugar coma.

Hungry hippos

Because windowless banquet rooms in general make me want to run in fear, I went for the “go with your gut” approach, meaning I immediately stuffed each cupcake in my mouth in the hopes that the winner would stand out upon contact and I could get the hell out of there. In terms of speed, this technique was only moderately effective because after popping each cupcake, I would spend the next 10 minutes looking for the closest trashcan, only to return to the first one I’d found, in disbelief that THERE WAS ONLY ONE TRASHCAN IN THE WHOLE ROOM (this happened several times).

Call me with an offer, People Magazine.

In terms of analysis, I firmly believe in my technique because the winner dazzled me the second I tasted it. It was the Mix and Mingle by Layers. It’s a Naja Tea infused coconut cupcake filled with Coconut and Chocolate creme. Frosted with Coconut Swiss Meringue Buttercream and topped with toasted shaved coconut and chocolate powder. I loved it because the coconut and chocolate were not too rich and neither overwhelmed the other. And best of all, the coconut on top had the perfect hint of salt. Let me emphasize hint of salt because a few other contenders took this salty pastry craze waaaay too far. Sweet and salty may be a match made in heaven, but too much salt in anything is just not good.

For me, the Mix and Mingle is the only cupcake worth mentioning because after four or five mini cupcakes, the rest just tasted gross (though it took me another 12-15 to figure that out). I spent a few more minutes snapping paparazzi shots of the Nesquik bunny and several more elbowing my way out of there, but finally I found my way to the door and meandered home, savoring the taste of sweet freedom.

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